rapturous

.dearest girl.

2011-06-25T01:28:00.002-03:00

Stop getting drunk and listening to Elliot Smith and pining for a non existent persistent love.

Also

.thefutureisbrite.

2011-05-26T20:54:00.002-03:00

Today I cried because I am so happy. I have decided to go back to school. I have quit smoking and Facebook for 2 weeks now. I am biking and eating well. I feel amazing.I am walking down the path, picking flowers on the way. I love my life!

.sweet spring.

2011-05-05T22:14:00.001-03:00

Sweet spring,
Flower and bud,
The merry stream,
Sparkling babble,
Green bloom,
Delightful dew,
Refreshing brook

Where did you leave all these..

-Komitas

.thursdays are effort days.

2011-05-05T21:30:00.002-03:00

Sittin' in my living room listening to lounge covers of popular songs, pina colada's and gettin' caught in the rain, I am now into yoga and I have more than half a brain. SCHOOL!

.words i want to live by.

2011-05-01T21:44:00.000-03:00

"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."
— William Shakespeare (All's Well That Ends Well)

.sweet beats baby,

2011-04-28T19:04:00.003-03:00

I have unrolled a map
onto my kitchen table
and put one finger
where you are and
another where I am.

The space between
is only inches. That close,
I could feel you breathing.
I could reach out and
run my fingers through
every strand of your hair,
touch your lips and
barely need to move.

In the corner of the map
there is a guide for judging scale:
every inch a hundred miles
full of roads and rivers and trees,
the guide a sharp reminder
that you are where you are
and I am where I am,
inches apart.

This poem © Gabriel Gadfly.
This image © Alie Ward.

.feeling terror bull.

2011-04-22T22:40:00.002-03:00

I am in love with amazing man and letting my insecurities get the best of me. I'm going to ruin everything. It's bubbling up inside of me just waiting to surface.

.to know me is hardly golden.

2011-04-22T11:49:00.001-03:00

.dimensional jaw.

2011-04-01T01:43:00.002-03:00

My heart's slow thump is keeping me awake. Every time I close my eyes I can see your face, your body, your flexing jaw. We are now officially in the single digits. I can't sleep. I've waited years to feel something this real. No more impostors. I am terrified but I'm taking this risk. You're the man for me. I can't sleep.

.still it rises.

2011-03-17T00:05:00.003-03:00

We're goin to a burn, the fire will glow bright
Drivin' in her car through the rain soaked night.
A Red Stripe in my hand , Thinkin' bout my man.
Our evening takes a turn, forget about that burn
We take our little men and stake claim on castles
Winding road, monasteries, I'm completely baffled.
Take the back roads watch the drops explode.
We are home.

.throw your soul through every open door.

2011-03-15T21:27:00.003-03:00

Power. Soul. I love this.

.sugar lips.

2011-03-14T22:50:00.000-03:00

walking so slow on this lonely dirt road
shoes untied and whiskey glow

you can see the stars and the city lights
foggy window overlooks the night

-December 9th, 2007

.dearest, you are the nearest to my heart.

2011-02-21T00:55:00.001-04:00

Oh where oh where has thou little blog gone, oh where oh where can it be!? With your temper short and my laughs so long, oh where oh where can it be.

THIS IS AN OFFICIAL PROTEST.

.for the love of words.

2011-02-15T22:17:00.003-04:00

I was at a loss for words, trying to come up with something better than "Pigeon Holed" "Pegged" something that meant the same. I typed Pegging into Google forgetting about the sexual practice and got a a small shock. I then typed Thesaurus in to Google. I then proceeded to laugh for twenty minutes.

.299,792,458.

2011-02-09T14:17:00.002-04:00

shake back and forth with the tumble of movement
the curl of your lip and the flex of your jaw fresh in my mind
purse my lips and try not to cry
look through clouded eyes at the strings of lights in
the distance

remembering every second and every inch of you
your scratch against my cheek, the satin tops of your feet
fingernails on the softest hands bitten and picked
looks of intrigue and intensity , burning up my blues
staring down at you, focus on your half opened mouth like I'm aiming at a target
your eyes staring up at me convincing me of my beauty without a word.

wrap myself in cigarette smoke and incense as I hear the approaching wheels
grind and watch that rusty locomotive push on.

One thought replaying in my mind as I drift in and out of slumber, these wheels breaking light as they
speed me backwards, to you.

.home is where the heart is?

2011-02-08T20:07:00.004-04:00

Miss Masturbation 2011.

.mugshot.

2011-01-25T21:43:00.001-04:00

.disgruntled rhyme time.

2011-01-25T21:40:00.001-04:00

You're lookin' mighty skinny. Those glasses are shitty. That bitch ain't pretty.

.cruntal box unit.

2011-01-25T19:33:00.002-04:00

Read back through our msn history for hours of uncontrolled giggles, I do it sometimes.
PS remember the time my email history was published on Google?

.you must watch this.

2011-01-18T20:49:00.002-04:00

The best movie I have seen in a very long time recommended by the biggest movie buff I have met in a very long time : Black Swan

.is it better than keeping my mouth shut, that goes without saying.

2011-01-14T14:59:00.003-04:00

The holidays were the best I've had for a long time. My brother was home from France. We ate good food, spent time together with the family and slept much. My favorite gift was a novella my brother had printed for each of us. The front cover is a my very favorite photo of him and the book contains his poetry and short stories. Most of the poems are very well written but slightly dark thus far. I am so very proud of him, he has grown into the person I have always tried to inspire him to be.

I have been overwhelmed with things to write about and therefore have written nothing.

I am very excited and nervous about my trip to Montreal that is coming up in a few weeks. I am downloading music, movies and TV series in preparation for the 48 total hours I will be on a train. It will all be worth it to see his face and a little of hers on the side.

I can't help but fantasize about summer to get me through these cold bleak winter days. The beach, tubing, burns, camping, possible blues festival and maybe a few other welcomed surprises.

.i'm a schizophrenic and so am I.

2010-12-22T21:22:00.003-04:00

Once again (while high of course) I have convinced myself that I have developed multiple personality disorder. I felt my body unplugging the internet cable from my computer, it didn't register in my brain until directly after when I tried to log on to the internet and it would not work. My other side unplugged that cable and I think I would be much happier if that side took over since I have a stack of new books to read.

.don't put your dreams where your preparin' to cloud.

2010-12-22T17:08:00.000-04:00

.back when i loved Miss Frances.

2010-12-21T21:20:00.002-04:00

.full on christmas spirit.

2010-12-21T12:02:00.005-04:00

.for my favorite gal.

2010-12-15T22:43:00.001-04:00

.for the storyteller.

2010-12-15T21:33:00.000-04:00

.best times in the maritimes.

2010-12-15T00:16:00.007-04:00

I have immensely enjoyed my visit from a very special person. Oh so bittersweet.

I miss you already.

I'm not feeling like myself today, I think I'll call in Rick.

.curry and size small dresses.

2010-12-08T11:29:00.006-04:00

Last night was our staff party. We had so much fun. Klarky made the best veggie curry I have ever eaten and homemade beef stew, we had fresh bread and Gael made her Auntie's secret family recipe for dessert. Wine and beer aplenty. Obviously L and I started a Desmond Dekkar Dance Party. We all pitched and bought our boss an incredible sun dial, I cried when she received it (Jesus Christ, what is wrong with me!) Then off to Nicole's humble cabin home in the woods (complete with outhouse, no indoor bathroom) courtesy of Homegrown van to continue the party and listen to some live rap styles. Back home to dance with Wii and then of to bed. It was a great night. I love my work and community family!

.rate some good.

2010-12-05T17:57:00.002-04:00

After cleaning the house, decorating for a birthday party and baking banana muffins and cake for guests, L and I decided that these housewives were worthy of some real cocktails.

Fuzzy fucking navels, 6 person Wii dancing, impromptu benefit show for a kitten with a broken paw in our living room, 3 hours sleep , both of us puking before work this morning, serving 56 brunches later and here I am in bed with a loaf of Challah and a tub of cream cheese.

Happy Birthday Erin!

We have been frequently adding to our list of "Nova Scotia speak". The title is the best of the evening.

"It's been many years since I had such an exemplary vegetable"

2010-12-03T12:09:00.003-04:00

Last night L and I went to dog sit at our boss's house. First let me provide you with some insight on the wonderfulness of Gael. Gael has two children both who are in their mid 20-30's, she has traveled all around the world and the Bakery where I work originally started out as a boat that sailed all around Nova Scotia, Gael down below baking bread and husband steering to different ports to sell the baked goods. She has impeccable and eccentric tastes which I adore. She is a giving woman who cares deeply about humans, animals and the environment. She is a hippie.

I had heard of "The House" but really did not expect it to be as magical as it was. My jaw dropped when we finally reached the end of the hand cut driveway which is more like a trail through the woods. The wooden shingles, the obviously hand built roof, the barn doors with no windows as her front doors.

The dogs Effy and Davy (which are Gaels parents names) greeted us with loud barks and wet kisses, jumping all over our work drained bodies. L fed them dinner as I wandered about in the dark of the powerless home in great awe. I saw a stuffed canary in a glass bottle and a stuffed cobra as well. I saw an old wood burning kitchen stove from the 1900's. The exposed wood beams in the ceiling, the antique furniture, the greenhouse everything hand built by Gael and her friends. I kept thinking to myself " I wish I lived here, this is what I want for myself". L lit the fire and told me stories about the chickens being kept warm for the winter in the coops with purple and blue and yellow cashmere sweaters that Gael had found at thrift stores. L told me all about the house as we took a tour. It is very difficult to describe such a house, it is modest yet royal.

Gael told us there would be enough solar power to watch a movie as it had been charging for days. We lit the candelabra and looked in the fridge for drinks. She left us a note letting us know anything we wanted to eat, drink or smoke was ours for the taking.

We grabbed the one bottle of beer we found in the fridge, the ketchup flavored chips we brought and two clementines L smuggled in her purse from our place and proceeded up the boat stairs to our bosses bedroom. In the bedroom there is a hanging human skeleton facing the bed and what i would presume to be the matching human skull sitting on the top of an antique dressing table (straight out of my dreams). Off of the bedroom Gael has just built a personal library for herself,the shelves painted white and calling out for the many books that are currently strewn about the house. Next to the library is a bathroom (her first indoor bathroom ever, built only three years previous). L tells me this is Gaels dream bathroom complete with a claw foot tub bigger than ours and the most unique sink I have ever seen.

We snuggle into bed (imagine sleeping in your bosses bed!) with her computer, Pride and Prejudice (the 2005 remake, the only movie in the house)our one beer and snacks.

I have to say this movie is definitely one of my favorites. I love this time period. We decided that in modern times Mr.Collins would be considered quite a narb. I cried at the end of the movie (as I always do) and told L movies like this ruin my life. I could feel the wind through the cracks in the walls. We both read until we fell asleep.

In the morning I awoke to Effy licking my face, 7:30 am on my day off and I was ecstatic. We got up and L took me to the tower. The tower has been a dream of Gael's since she was a little girl. It reminds me of the story Rapunzel. The door is a golden yellow medieval style with a brass parrot for a handle. When you open the door you see a trap door in the floor that leads to her root cellar. You must climb 5 stories of wooden spiral stairs to reach the top of the tower which has matching medieval style windows and houses a brass framed bed and personal sized wood stove. L tells me that Gael likes to sleep in this tower when it storms.

My boss is an amazing person, I love her taste, the way she lives her life and her energy.

I have had the most peaceful, reflective week which I attribute to this sleepover and visiting my Grandma's house (which I will write about next). Magical.

Here are some photos of the tower being built:

.it wasn't mine.

2010-11-29T01:01:00.005-04:00

On one of my many late night facebook lurks I discovered this photo of myself which I promptly reported. Now in the privacy of my own blog I appreciate the hilarity. Looks like it should be the beginning scene in a girls gone wild video. Trainwreck.

.double b days.

2010-11-26T15:05:00.003-04:00

I love nothing more than taking a bath in this giant claw foot tub with Billie Holiday. Not even CocoRosie.

.i can touch my motherfucking toes, bitches.

2010-11-25T15:53:00.004-04:00

I found out last night the instructor of the Latin dance/aerobics class I am taking is going to keep teaching the class until no one wants to come anymore, I'm pumped. It's so much fun I don't realize I am getting a workout until the next day when I am crawling up the stairs and have a hard time sitting down to pee.

I've started smoking again after almost 3 weeks. I plan to try quitting again after Christmas. Complete detox actually.

Last night I tried for an hour to purchase business cards online running into to so many issues, I was so raging the only calm to my storm was fucking with the live chat agents on the websites I was trying to buy from. In turn I apparently ended up making one of the representatives night busting out the term "Gay balls", telling her she was pretty and to have a "Baller ass evening".

It's fun to pretend you are young and hide smoke.

Reggae dance party in 2 days, L and I made hair pieces specifically for the event. I love being a keener lame-o.

Ruth sent me an amazing package for Christmas! She is the sweetest thing. She sent a Bettie Page calender (which I was in the market for), Lancôme Eyeshadow (my very favorite), a tractor on a key-chain (assuming from her job, very good for country livin'), a necklace (which I may re gift. hehe) and the best part : A Letter to tell me how she is doing out in Fort Mac. I cried my eyes out. I really enjoyed her writing and hope that she does it more often. <3

This is my favorite photo of Ruthie and Deeters.

.vitamin e.

2010-11-23T14:26:00.003-04:00

This week was packed full of goodness. Several Jam nights at The Blue Door with some pretty talented musicians. I am trying to teach myself how to play the drums. So far I can carry two basic rock beats and of course SNL dogshow.

On Saturday night we went to a kick off party for the lobster season. We always make our own fun and initiated sock sliding on the newly laid hardwood floors, it became a competition to see who could slide the farthest then became a speed skating race. I will admit that this was the funnest part of the evening by far. We tried starting a dance party as always but no one was biting so we danced all night by ourselves.

Our DD (who shall not be named) ended up getting drunk and trying to drive home, we put the kibosh on that and ended up sleeping over. I accumulated a total of maybe 1.5 hours sleep and went to work for 9 am. Sundays are our busiest days.

Dwanye and Candice are such great hosts, smoked salmon and brie, puffed pastries, made us beds , got us up for work in the morning, clean towels for showers and offered to make us breakfast. So after we made it through the work day as much as we wanted to go home and crawl directly into bed we drove over and dropped off some fresh bread to our wonderful party hosts. Good idea L.

Sunday night we had another party at our place which went until 2 am with jamming , Wii dancing and youtube videos. Once everyone cleared out J went to bed and L and I stayed up dancing until 6 am. Meanwhile polishing off gin drinks, sambuca shots, homemade wine and a case of Olands. We were so drunk we could hardly stand but jesus christ could we dance! I proceeded to get the highest score on the game thus far and when we awoke the next afternoon we couldn't move.

Monday we went to a gala and hair show at the salon/spa. We brought our hair pieces and the owner allowed us to displayed them at the gala. The models were wearing the pieces and she talked about them in her speech and plugged our (unfinished)website. We will also be setting up a meeting to discuss selling in the salon. I was standing at the food table stuffing my face when one of the stylist asked me if I wanted to have my hair pinned up, sure why not. The owner then asked if I would walk the runway and model the style, sure why not. Apparently stuffing your face getting your hair done for free and walking for 10 seconds warrants a $75 gift certificate. L won the grand prize draw (a basket of shit worth $700!). They also had $12 nail polish BOGO that were labeled with ladies names. I had to have Mimi and Rachelle.

When dropping Erin off at home after the Gala we were invited into her and her boyfriends place which is a barn that was turned into a beautiful loft. They have a projector and a large white sheet with surround sound for movie nights and also one of the most amazing inventions I have ever seen. A program that takes any mp3 or streaming song or video and puts it on a vinyl for mixing purposes. I am doing a really terrible job of explaining this beautiful technology. I guess it transfers the time delays to the blank vinyl but it is not permanently etched on the vinyl so you can add as many songs as you want. I wish I remembered what it was called because I really got a tingle when he showed it to me. I really want to learn how to use turntables and DJ!

Next weekend there is a reggae show at the fire hall by my house (Verbal Warning) that I am super excited about. Although I have to work the next day and pretty much every weekend, we will be able to walk home so we can all have some beers and won't have to worry about our DD getting shitfaced. Asshole.

.it doesn' matter where i go.

2010-11-19T01:55:00.003-04:00

I'll always miss where I was.

.gargoyles cartoons were no good.

2010-11-18T22:20:00.001-04:00

I may be 12 tokes over the line sweet jesus but I would just like to express my love for getting stoned and watching AFV.

.trading vices.

2010-11-17T15:23:00.003-04:00

I have given up smoking but have acquired another vice : Just Dance 2 for Nintento Wii. Oh the fun, oh the body aches. All I can think about all day at work is coming home and playing this game.

.it came from the attic.

2010-11-14T22:51:00.005-04:00

Had a great little trip to the big city. Good music and clearing tables for dance space at the smallest bar in the world. Old friends, new friends. Crashed at L's parents place to awake to the slew of baked goods that super mom always has available and snuggles and fetch with the pup.

Sunny drives back to the country today with good company, including our new adoptive son (Albino, burn victim, alien, pirate, nubs). People thought we were insane. I think we are insane.

Forgot my sunglasses at home and needed to hide from he sun so we went on a pessimistic search for a cheap pair at the drugstore. Behold Jackie O!

I smoked 2 cigarettes but I'm still on the quitting train! Blame the beer.

Upon arriving at home we were greeted with a lovely story of the bastard squirrel who lives in our attic running about the house leaving behind a half eaten loaf of Raisin Orange bread and several apples. J tried trapping him in the bathroom and he disappeared. I am having troubles sleeping tonight. Please don't let me wake up with a squirrel on my head.

.tree hugging dirt worshiper.

2010-11-11T19:30:00.005-04:00

L and I finally disposed of our rotting pumpkins on the front stoop. Seven heaps of mush that required shoveling into the compost bin. RIP.

We then went for a lovely fall walk on the boardwalk and beach today, we found some shells that we plan to paint and give as Christmas gifts. We sat in the dunes and watched the waves roll in to shore and talked for a while. It was absolutely beautiful, a bit cold but the waves were huge and the smell of the balsam fir permeated my senses. On the way back we decided to walk through the woods (now thinking back it may not have been a great idea since it is hunting season). I forgot how much I love walking through the patches of trees and shrubs, stepping in mud and smelling all of the wonderful decaying forest smells.

.wash it off.

2010-11-11T12:44:00.002-04:00

I'm finally feeling well enough to get out of bed today. I love taking baths with CocoRosie. I might walk the beach today, It feels like I've been trapped in bed for years. At very least I had good company.

.if this were America, I'd have a gun.

2010-11-11T01:13:00.001-04:00

I'm pissed off. I spent all damn day waiting for my favorite childhood movie to download and it ends up being the god damned remake with Lindsay Lohan. For the love of god give me Haley Mills!

.honey for the stars.

2010-11-10T17:17:00.003-04:00

Good Friday

.a bit of peace, a bit of love.

2010-11-08T22:33:00.004-04:00

.it keeps on falling.

2010-11-08T15:15:00.002-04:00

It has been raining here for days, seems like it will never stop. The waves are huge and crashing over the road. The river is violent and sharp.

I am sick with the flu and hanging out at my parents house sookin'. Mom is doing my laundry and feeding me. I am watching cable TV.

I never feel rested and have been having extreme night terrors and waking up every hour.

.pretty girls make art.

2010-11-03T15:10:00.004-03:00

I have had the most wonderful morning.

I have the house to myself and got up early to finish my painting from ladies craft night. Painting and drinking tea while the sun beams through the living room window on my back. I am so grateful today.

I have also been listening to The Smiths all morning which is regrettably something have never done. I am 27 years old and only now discovering this band. I feel sad about this now that I listen. I am in love. I really like A Half Person, Reel Around The Fountain, Girlfriend In A Coma but I can't help but play The Boy With The Thorn In His Side on repeat. 47 songs in a row so I am told by my musical stalker. This Charming Man makes me giggle.

Today I am working on the website for FRINGE all day then making potato/beet/carrot pancakes for my roommate's for dinner (all vegetables from local harvest trades!). Maybe I'll also bake some cookies since there will be no more weed eating for me. I need some non-special sweet around the homestead.

I am ashamed to say that I have acquired and am currently rocking a pair of dreaded sweatpants thus breaking one of my cardinal rules. It's so cold in the Petite, expensive oil heat.

.you didn't pray hard enough.

2010-11-02T13:20:00.003-03:00

I failed my drivers test this morning, I feel like an idiot. I got all of the second part correct but answered 7 Rules of The Road incorrectly. Those bastards at the DMV are sneaky with those multiple choice questions. I don't even want my license but I studied because I need it. I can take the test again on Thursday but I have to work all week so it looks like it will be another week at least before I get to run people over.

I wallowed in my failure with a veggie burger from Harvey's and I bought a tea kettle. In my defense I haven't taken a test (other than pregnancy and STD) since 2002. It feels like so long since I have failed at anything, I didn't remember how it felt. Could it be that I never actually attempt anything that I could possibly fail?

.say a little prayer for me.

2010-11-01T23:37:00.001-03:00

Tomorrow morning I take my written drivers test. CRASH!

.where are my pants.

2010-10-31T10:44:00.002-03:00

The party ends now, I am pant-less and still inebriated and being forced to go to brunch where I work on my day off. My pants are missing. Fireball.

.zombride: life of the party.

2010-10-29T23:14:00.001-03:00

She smokes too many joints and is home by 10 p.m

.wangithigh.

2010-10-28T16:41:00.004-03:00

So today we ventured into town, which I will tell you I hate doing. Bridgewater is so depressing, nothing but old people and young crackhead thug wannabes.

We were hunting for candles for our jack-o-lantern's, candy for trick-or-treater's,fake blood and hair dye.

All items were acquired and in less than 30 minutes so we rewarded ourselves with Teen Burgers, Onion Rings and Root Beer (yes, this is how I keep my girlish figure).

While sitting at a table waiting for Yosh to bring the food an elderly man came to sit at the table next to us but instead of pulling the chair out he starting sitting on nothing and ended up sliding down the wall into the corner. Some other lady came and helped him up from the ground as I was sitting there right next to him completely dumbfounded and frozen with my hand over my mouth. I would hate to see how I would react if someone got shot in front of me, I was so rattled from this sight that I couldn't hold my glass of Root Beer. Again, probably fear of becoming withered and useless.

We left the dirty mall and headed out in search of caps for my pistols (also acquired) and then to my parents for a quick visit.

My mother had bought my step dad a device that allows him to place negatives and slides inside and upload them as photos to his computer. So we smoked some herb and looked at photos from the 70's of when he was working on the gypsum boats.

There were a few photos of Jamaica and he told us that when he pulled into port there was a fence and on the opposite side of the fence were these shacks made from burlap sacks where the boys could buy barbecued meats, booze, pot and prostitutes. He went on to tell us that all the guys on the boat were stocking up on bars of soap before the trip to Jamaica and how confused he was with why everyone wanted so much soap. Once they got there he finally asked one of his mates about all of the soap. Apparently you can snag a lady friend for the evening with a bar of soap.

My mother then told us they were at my Aunt's last week and were having a few drinks and a few special brownies throughout the evening and decided she was okay to drive home. They reach an intersection about 10 minutes away from their home and she says to my step father "Why is someone standing in the road waving flashlights around". It was the police pulling them over. My mother lost her wallet 2 days previous but because they are OLD they called the license in and let them go on their merry way. WTF!

I also borrowed a fake fireplace with a remote for my bachelorette den : ballin'. In short, I love my parents.

Time for dinner makin' and Trivial Pursuit. Some things never change.

.it's been a long time.

2010-10-27T19:48:00.004-03:00

shouldn’t have left you, without a dope beat to step to.

So here you go:

After a less than satisfying stint in Montreal for the summer, I have moved into a house in the country with two close friends. It is beautiful. I have a job that I love at a bakery. I am happy to get up at 5:30 in the morning just to go to work. I am eating well, laughing lots, dancing, getting fit and soon taking my drivers test for my beginners.

I took the train back, polishing off an entire season of Six Feet Under and a bag of Double Cheeseburgers. The train ride was not very exciting, kind of sad actually. An elderly lady was calling for her husband whom is no longer with us and had an unfortunate bladder accident (which I later laughed at probably because of my fear of being her in the future).

I was greeted in Halifax with open loving arms to whom I confessed my cheeseburger overload and while feeling sad about leaving a best friend behind was comforted by two more.

It wasn't 3 days before I had myself a home and a job so I have rarely had time to post anything or even be connected with my boyfriend (the internet).

Since I have been home there has been lots of crafting, dinner making, self reflection and catching up with old friends as well as meeting new ones.

I am feeling good about being home and the things I have in store for me here but regret leaving occasionally due to some last week experiences and my star crossed lover sister.

I am undeniably excited at the possibility of a visit from Montreal or maybe two (you know who you are).

We've got some great opportunities with Fringe in our future including but not limited to an offer to create custom hair embellishments for a burlesque show in the spring (it's kind of a big deal) and the chance to showcase our work at Libra Essence Salons. We are still doing the monthly Rockabilly Riots even though the last one was a flop (we made $20 and someone siphoned our gas while the car was parked in an underground parking garage). Hoping for more success next month.

I must keep myself busy in this season in hopes that I am not overcome with depression, I have learned from the past it's the only way to go.

Bring it on winter, you unforgiving bitch!

.think of all the good you're doin'.

2010-09-04T03:10:00.001-03:00

.oh well.

2010-08-23T14:22:00.001-03:00

What you did to me made me
See myself something different
Though I try to talk sense to myself
But I just won't listen

Won't you go away
Turn yourself in
You're no good at confession
Before the image that you burned me in
Tries to teach you a lesson

What you did to me made me see myself somethin' awful
A voice once stentorian is now again meek and muffled
It took me such a long time to get back up the first time you did it
I spent all I had to get it back, and now it seems I've been outbidded

My peace and quiet was stolen from me
When I was looking with calm affection
You were searching out my imperfections

What wasted unconditional love
On somebody
Who doesn't believe in the stuff

You came upon me like a hypnic jerk
When I was just about settled
And when it counts you recoil
With a cryptic word and leave a love belittled

Oh what a cold and common low way to go
When I was feeding on the need for you to know me
Devastated at the rate you fell below me

What wasted unconditional love
On somebody
Who doesn't believe in the stuff

-Fiona Apple

.fan the flames,

2010-08-12T00:16:00.004-03:00

You've gotta stoke the fire to make it burn baby.

The cultivation of the pleasures of the senses was ever my principal aim in life, knowing that I was personally calculated to please the fair sex, I always strove to make myself agreeable to it.

~ Cassanova

........................................................................

2010-08-05T22:46:00.003-03:00

I walk by the same pregnant meth addict smoking on her stoop everyday on my way home from work. The scabs and abscesses on her legs and her sunk in empty eyes make me want to cry every time. I consider walking 20 minutes out of my way just to avoid her desperate face, yet I never do and I always look her in the eyes.

.so sick of these fake people.

2010-08-03T23:05:00.001-03:00

Why isn't anyone real?

.there you have it, im a manic depresive with grand illusions.

2010-08-03T22:11:00.002-03:00

"that just means your a angel and you absorb the sadness of the world"

.syntax error.

2010-08-01T17:42:00.001-03:00

My new tattoos.

.lowered expectations.

2010-08-01T05:41:00.002-03:00

Well.....I really expected someone other than my roommate to be peeling me out of this dress tonight, but it's all good. Oldies dance party initiated by yours truly. 3 boozy nights.

.bird on bird action (and i don't mean tribadism).

2010-07-29T13:47:00.002-03:00

Yesterday I witnessed a colony of seagulls (more commonly refered to in Nova Scotia as Shit Hawks) scavenging for food
on Parc Ave. I decided to take a closer look at what it was they were squaking about. To my delight
the assholes were fighting over chicken fingers!!! I laughed and then the thought occured to me: Does this mean its okay for me to eat
people of a different race? I'm running with it.

I have a mild obsession with WikiAnswers as of late.

"What are Seagulls?"

Answer
Birds.

Answer
They are also called Herring Gulls. But mostly they are called "You &??%*&) Bastard"

Answer
Seagulls are sometimes referred to as 'dump ducks.'

Answer
Because if they were from the bay they would be bagels.

Of course if you know me, you know the last answer is my first choice.

.megafutondeth.

2010-07-29T10:48:00.004-03:00

In this case my body aches from the shitty futon I sleep on. The first futon I've put together myself btw. So proud.

.for the love of the sweet baby jesus.

2010-07-26T21:59:00.002-03:00

Will someone please buy me this shirt, preferably in black.

.i wish i didn't think of you : you don't deserve it.

2010-07-26T02:51:00.002-03:00

Every time I think of her, I close my eyes.
She was a velvet doll, she was a punk rocker.
When I walked off stage I fell in love with her.
I stared at her from across the bar
- I want her near to me.
So close and dear to me.
Later that night she asked me home, so I
took her home where we were all
alone.
I think of her, when she's not around.
I think of her, when she's in the underground.
I think of her, when she's not in town.
I think of her.
I held her tight as she clutched my hand.
Can you understand? I gotta be her man.
She became special to me just in a night.
You see the dreams we have, the dreams we shared.
The for awhile, for about a week we
played a silly adult game of hide
and
seek.
But now I gotta have that girl to
be with me forever. Baby!
I think of her, when she's not around.
I think of her, when she's in the underground.
I think of her, when she's not in town.
I think of her.

.big ups on lyrical content sad bastards.

2010-07-24T12:29:00.002-03:00

I am LOVING The Weakerthans currently.

I would love to share these lyrics.

"Aside"
Measure me in metered lines
And one decisive stare
The time it takes to get from here to there
My ribs that show through t-shirts
And these shoes I got for free
I'm unconsoled
I'm lonely
I am so much better than I used to be
Terrified of telephones
And shopping malls and knives
Drowning in the pools of other lives
Rely a bit too heavily
On alcohol and irony
Get clobbered on by courtesy
In love with love and lousy poetry
And I'm leaning on this broken fence
Between past and present tense
And I'm losing all those stupid games
That I swore I'd never play
But it almost feels okay
Circumnavigate this body
Of wonder and uncertainty
Armed with every precious failure
And amateur cartography
I breath in deep before
I spread those maps out on my bedroom floor
And I'm leaning on this broken fence
Between past and present tense
And I'm losing all those stupid games
That I swore I'd never play
But it feels okay
And I'm leaving with goodbye
And I'm losing but I'll try
With the last ways left
To remember sing
My imperfect offering

.life in the key of a.

2010-07-24T10:42:00.002-03:00

I often wish that I could have a complete library of transcripts from past conversations in my life. I'd like to use them as reference material and over analyze every bit of information gathered.

Wish I had washed off last nights makeup.
Wish I had decided against that slice of cake for breakfast.

.fried egg selections.

2010-07-23T13:15:00.002-03:00

From my morning walk to work.

Jimmy Soul

Minor Threat

The Weakerthans

On File

.day in day out.

2010-07-23T00:12:00.002-03:00

You're so sexual, so intellectual, so perpetual, but mostly just ineffectual.

.toys r us kid.

2010-07-22T21:17:00.002-03:00

This is my brother, he is a genius and I miss him.

.it's a prereq.

2010-07-22T21:08:00.006-03:00

When you are THAT smokin' hot you will ultimately be a big ol gay man. Curse.

.sexual predators.

2010-07-22T20:42:00.003-03:00

So here I am mindin' my business, swimming at a public pool, leaving my backpack on the side with my towel as I have done many times before. Spend some time laying in the clouds and then head to the changing room to get ready to bike home and lo and behold, my panties are M.I.A! One of my favorite pair. PLEASE BRING BACK MY PANTIES. On second thought please keep them as a parting gift, you panty sniffing weirdo.

.celebrity.

2010-07-22T01:11:00.002-03:00

Biking in a thunder and lightning storm is a close second to swimming in the buff, which is next to cleanliness, which is next to godliness.

.obsessed.

2010-07-21T01:25:00.002-03:00

I'm gonna draw a pie chart indicating how much I dislike bars. I'm gonna draw bar graph that depicts how much I like pie. Ted Mosby is my 3rd dream man.

.who the fuck do you think you are.

2010-07-20T04:03:00.000-03:00

Just read the title / get lost.

.abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.

2010-07-18T14:02:00.003-03:00

Sometimes you forget what it's like to be with a real live man.

.how the universe fucks me. like i got a target flat on my back.isn’t it funny. how the universe fucks us.

2010-07-15T02:21:00.004-03:00

This song isn't about me. Well it is. Not written by you. None of your songs could ever be about me, that's just it. I get it now. I can never provide you song material because I would never break you. I can't come see your shows anymore, I fall in love every time.

On the walk home "Life Is Beautiful" and a tiny flower scribbled on the guard rail. I smile. A basement apartment, I peer in and see a dirty mattress on the floor, nothing on the wall and an old man passed out at his modest table gripping a beer. I cry.

The one who gave me life.

.dear alli.

2010-07-13T12:30:00.003-03:00

This mornings texts: message.
"You are always the belle of the ball Alli, you light me up like a god damned landing strip"
Miss Detrimental Detardation has a way with words.

C- UNIIIITTTTT

.oh ps i saw Hank Williams III awhile back.

2010-07-09T01:47:00.002-03:00

.caprice classic in technicolor.

2010-07-09T01:44:00.001-03:00

.sentimental irony is a dog that bays at the moon while pissing on graves.

2010-07-07T13:38:00.004-03:00

Yesterday on the same sidewalk I witnessed two groups of people standing next to each other but unaware of the other's presence. The first group was a mother, father and a newly born baby, the mother and father taking turns feeding the baby a bottle. The second group, two middle aged adults and an elderly lady in a wheelchair, the man holding the chair while the woman fed the elderly lady a mug of water.

-Title quote Karl Kraus

.a Marshall to my Lily.

2010-06-30T22:49:00.001-03:00

.alli learns victory rolls 'N' gang signs.

2010-06-29T19:58:00.003-03:00

.the art of seduction.

2010-06-29T19:51:00.002-03:00

I consider myself to be a relatively modest dresser at most times but today as I walked the longest 3 blocks of my life through Hasidic Jew Town I felt like the biggest harlot known to man. I believe I was cursed by one bearded man in particular.

.no words.

2010-06-26T04:40:00.003-03:00

.finally I have someone to keep me warm at night.

2010-06-22T18:43:00.004-03:00

Ichi The Killer

.low motivation.

2010-06-16T03:11:00.002-03:00

I haven't had much interest in posting lately, maybe because I have been pretty depressed, the most I've been for a long time.

I got knocked down a few pegs after the things I came to Montreal for didn't come together as they should have. I am currently unemployed and I have $20 to my soul.

Where other friends have failed me I am severely lucky to have the ones I do right now. If it wasn't for these people I would be sleeping on the street (instead of with a very warm and cute dog) and starving to death (instead of eating yummy tofu scrambles).

I have an interview tomorrow for some job I could care less about but it will pay some rent and allow me to feed myself.

I keep telling myself things will work out in the end they way they are supposed to and that I am allowed to cry myself to sleep one night, but never two in a row. That's just sad.

Also I have had a few beers and my judgment is cloudy and who knows if this makes any sense.

.how could i have let you take me for such a ride.

2010-06-07T22:27:00.002-03:00

This was more difficult than I had imagined. I keep telling myself it will pass and I'm putting forth my best effort to hang in there for the good stuff.

.there is nothing like a well synced youtube video.

2010-05-28T14:29:00.002-03:00

Thank you to my dear boy Nolan for showing me this piece of gold.

.the final countdown.

2010-05-26T15:27:00.002-03:00

5 days left in the "country" and it is truly bittersweet. I have had some great times with my close friends and some rough times personally. In the end I feel sad to leave but also relived to start fresh once again. I have learned more about who i am and who I want to be, though it was hard I try never to regret anything I've done. Everything that a person experiences in life makes them who they are, but it depends on what you do with those experiences, my goal now is to always choose to take positive aspects and move on. It is hard to let things go but sometimes it is for the best. Appreciate every wisp of wind and every blooming flower as if you will never see it again. If you don't have your back who does? I realize I sound like a mishmash of lame motivational posters but I am super happy with my current direction.

Btw I really liked Richard Scarry and Little Golden Books when I was a kid. This one was my favorite:

And speaking of motivational posters:

.5 a.m is the bain of my existence.

2010-05-18T11:06:00.005-03:00

Rockabilly Riot. We made money. $200 to be exact. I bought a new QWERTY phone for texty. I'm excited about it. Goodbye piece of shit cellular telephone machine. Tattoo Festival this weekend!!! Wishing I had enough money to get some work done. Last weekend in Halifax before the move. I canceled the ride share, I got a creepy vibe. Too good to be true. So I am taking the train. After I told the dude I didn't need a ride, he asked if I still wanted to meet, I think I made the right decision. Successful weekend on all fronts. The product photo shoot went great, thanks to Melanie Titus Photography and Tasha Tonks. Here is one of the lovely photos.

.bit by bit.

2010-05-12T23:29:00.001-03:00

.tax evasion mondays.

2010-05-10T11:20:00.002-03:00

So I finally have a day off today and plan on sleeping in until noon when I am abruptly awakened by the scream of a chainsaw at 9 a.m. My parents are keeners and decided to cut their wood for next year AT 9 a.m! Sigh. At least I'm up and moving towards a productive day doing 6 years worth of taxes, creating new hair accessory designs and pining enormously over the vintage pumps I had been waiting for eons to arrive which of course are too fucking small. 3 more weeks til Montreal! Unfortunately I will be residing a little further out than I realized. Only for a few months hopefully.

.busy bee.

2010-05-06T17:54:00.002-03:00

Fringe has another Gig at this months Rockabilly Riot selling Hair Embellishments. Also the next day we have a photo shoot for the product. How exciting! We now have a Facebook group with over 80 fans already! Hopefully business will be booming as we will not be competing with the Fetish Ball this month.

I have lots going on before I head to the city of dreams. I have my weekend pass lined up for the Maritime Tattoo Festival. I'm working at a Healthy Lifestyles convention type thing for the bakery. I have to sell my bike.

I'm fairly certain I have a rideshare for $30 to Montreal. If this person isn't super sketch. I will be meeting them for coffee within the week to determine if I want to be trapped in a car for 18 hours, but $30 is unheard of. I have a cellphone and a jack knife. My mother has informed me that she will be writing down the license plate number.

I have almost secured a job in my chosen field, that of which I went to college for. If this happens it will allow me to stay in the city that I love, be around the people I love, while doing what I love for a living and finally having my own apartment for the very first time ever. Please say that it is my turn for karma, universe.

Loving life.

.I like this.

2010-05-05T21:03:00.000-03:00

.i'm too old for 3 day binges.

2010-04-26T12:03:00.004-03:00

Fringe made enough money at Rockabilly Riot to cover costs plus $12. Not bad for our first attempt. We also got several offers from professional photographers for trade work. We will be having our product photographed for free basically, thanks to Melanie Titus Photography. The organizers of the show were very nice and accommodating and we have a spot at Rockabilly Riot next month!

All of us girls looked incredible and had a fabulous evening all around. I love my friends.

Here I am peddling my shit:

.death by cardio.

2010-04-21T22:23:00.002-03:00

So I went to a "Boot Camp" class at the local YMCA. My co worker goes and talked me into it, said it was fun and thought I would enjoy it.

It was my first time working out at a gym, keep in mind I was a smoker up until about 5 days ago, and I could eat much better than I do.

Long story short, I almost passed out. This class was crazy intense and of course I over worked myself to the max due to my extreme competitive nature, Definitely not for beginners such as myself.

It was ridiculously embarrassing to have the ATTRACTIVE MALE INSTRUCTOR have to lay me down on a mat and elevate my feet in hopes that I would not go unconscious on his watch. I was literally seeing stars and spots and couldn't breathe. I wanted to run out of there and never show my face again.

It was a wake up call of sorts. I am now jogging to get into shape, trying to eat better and quitting smoking.

Two songs that really pumped me up while I was running :

And

ALSO! I was noticing all of the Red Breasted Robin's about today and Rockin' Robin popped up on my iPod. It made me happy smile happy and I danced with Simba when I got home from my run.

.a life less frightening.

2010-04-16T23:43:00.000-03:00

Suffering from something
We're not sure of
In a world
There is no cure for
These lives we live
Test negative for happiness
Flat line, no pulse, but eyes open
Single file like soldiers on a mission
If there's no war outside our heads
Why are we losing?

I don't ask for much (Life less)
Truth be told I'd settle (frightening)
For a life less frightening, (Life less)
A life less frightening (frightening)

Hang me out to dry
I'm soaking
With the sins of knowing
What's gone wrong
But doing nothing
I still run
Time again I have found myself stuttering
Foundations pulled out from under me
This breath is wasted on them all
Will someone answer me

Is there a God tonight
Up in the sky
Or is it empty just like me? (Just like me)
A place where we can hide
Out from the night
Where you are all I see (Where you are all I see)
So blow a kiss goodbye then close your eyes
Tell me what you see (Tell me what you see)
A lifetime spent inside this dream of mine
Where you are all I see

- Rise Against

.grey skies are gonna clear up.

2010-04-15T16:45:00.004-03:00

Went for a lovely 2 hour walk along the Broad Cove beach today with Laura, my second mom and fantasy wolf dog Luna. I love the fresh ocean air.

on a side note we have a gig lined up to sell my crafts at Rockabilly Riot at Reflections in 2 weeks! I have created a logo/business cards for the occasion and who knows where else we will go!

Shout out's to Miss CC for showing me the ways of the feather and can't wait to continue crafting together (I have a huge box of supplies now!)

Here is the logo I just designed!

.words to live by.

2010-04-14T17:28:00.001-03:00

.oh hello banjo.

2010-04-14T13:33:00.002-03:00