I saw this and thought of YOU.

My Top 25 Most Played ; Cuz I know you were wonderin'

Tonight, my heart is full of a sad song
My lonesome lover has taken off
I'm wandering around on a cloud
Empty-hearted and down and out

It's been a week, I think, since he rolled into town
And it's been years that I've heard these stories about
This fellah he's so brave and so alive
Turning this world around from the out to the inside

Well, our courtship was brief and magnetic
I was singing at the corner bar
And we both felt so romantic
We took a walk with the moon
Down to the train yard

Well, it was too much for me
My gypsy heart was inflamed
Put me at the head of your list
And don't forget to call my name
Well, I fell in love with a boy
Who has a real live romance with a train

Oh, my beautiful lover and friend
This is exactly what I wanted
And now I'm feeling so haunted
And I can't get you out of my mind

I can't forget him as he's rolling away
And it's all I can do is just to stay here
Is just to stay

My back and neck are extremely sore from eating some homemade cookies, getting body stoned and not moving an inch while playing The SimsTM 3 for 4 hours. In hindsight probably shouldn't have eaten all those cookies the day before a CaTscan.




Keebler Elf. Hehehe.

You told me not to cry. You are always there for me. I love you.

It's 5 a.m and I'm still awake. It's funny how I find strength from helping other people with their problems when I am not in the most ideal situation. Which leads me to believe that I should do something with my professional life relating to helping others. It may just be kind words or advice but I love to help people or even just lend an ear.

I still can't believe I was tricked so easily, it won't happen again, I'm hoping with all of my heart that I don't have to have "The Talk" with him. The thought of this possibility keeps me awake at night, keeps my stomach in knots, and keeps me from moving on fully. 2 more weeks then I can really start to run away from all of this pain.



On a lighter note, the new SYLVIA JI works are fantastic!

It was really great to get out of my bed and get out. Saw some amazing bands, danced, met some great new people and had my ego boosted! Today we had some energy drinks and stayed up until 2 a.m crafting. Unfortunately the domain craftybitches.com is already reserved.

It was very difficult to do, but it had to be done, for my health and sanity. I want to talk to no one else in truth.

Iron Giant tomorrow night and girls arts and crafts night on Saturday. I have something to look forward to , something to take my mind off of my somber state. I love my friends. I would be nothing without you!

I tried scrubbing you off my skin,a permanent black label to remind me of how you betrayed my trust.

I just can't get away from it, not even in my sleep.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today

Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts
I'm beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

I just want to know today, know today, know today
I just want to know something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok

Just give me back my pieces
Just give them back to me please
Just give me back my pieces
And let me hold my broken parts

It's not mine, but it suits me.

First day back to work with vomit in my throat, knots in my stomach and an overall hatred, sadness and disbelief in the cruelty of people. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Today I consumed 1 slice of toast, 2 ibuprofen, 1 Gravol, 1 prescription sleep aide. It is now 2:33 a.m, I am still awake. My stomach is in knots and I continue to feel waves of utter despair breezing in and out. I watched a movie, I zoned out and thought of him. I cried. I checked my email 20 times today. I cried. I ran the events of the evening through my head like a reel at super speed each time wishing it would catch on fire.I cried.I smell bad, i look bad, i feel bad. I am having a hard time willing myself out of bed to use the washroom. I don't even have the energy to smoke a cigarette. I think about the future and I cry. All the wonderful little things he did for me. Every time I take a bath I'll cry. Surfing the internet will never be the same. I have never felt so safe in anyone's arms. I miss tangling my fingers in his hair. Looking into his never ending never telling brown eyes. Soft little kisses. Growls in my ear. Sarcastic remarks. His distaste for my bad puns.The Duchess.

I always said to myself that I would be a millionaire if I could develop a pill that would remove the symptoms of a broken heart. The process of getting over someone, in my opinion is worse then being physically ill. The only option for immediate relief from a broken heart is to be held by the person who did it, have them tell you everything you want to hear and that you will live happily ever after. You got a headache? Take a fucking aspirin. Which seems easier to you? The only thing that makes these feelings subside in a much longer period of time is coming to the reality that things are over, they are never going to be the same, you have to move on. It all seems so daunting. The spot that you are in right now, feels like the same spot you will be in 20 years from now.I'm not stupid. I know that it's not.
Writing and photo-shopping are the only things I have to temporarily make the hurt disappear, but when the subject of the writing and art is the reason for all of the pain, we run in circles.

I keep expecting for him to come online and tell me it was all a bad dream and that I'm the duchess once again.

I wish you were here to say "Rats" in my ear.

I could feel it as a low rumble in my stomach, in my head.
The imagined result never as powerful and shocking as the one that were to break through to reality.
To never see your cherub face again, to never hear words pass your tender lips, that once belonged to me but never really all mine.
The entangled strings that lead to your heart, a weaving loom with one direction, one basic function.
Now I sit as an empty shell with echos of your hand on my cheek, the smell of fire, those small pink shriveled roses but most of all regret of giving every bit I had left for you to cast away on a whim.